December 10th, 2013 I was in a near fatal car accident. I was on my way to work. It was pretty cold out that day, 0 degrees with the windchill. Other than that, I thought it was pretty nice out. I wasn’t driving too cautious. The speed limit was 55, but I always did 65, including this day. The roads were clear, until I went around the curve. I couldn’t see that on the other side of the curve, the road was covered in snow. I saw this, and panicked, hit my breaks which caused me to lose control of my car. I saw another car coming towards me, and I knew it was going to hit me.

Next thing I remember, I woke up to blood all over me. No pain, just blood. I thought I was fine, and in a minor car accident. I thought my nose was bleeding. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I couldn’t move. I was just trying to find my phone so I could call for help. Then a man gets in my car, and tells me hes here to help me. He grabs a shirt in my car and holds it to my head and tells me I have a huge cut on my head, a very deep one. He calls my parents, but can’t get a hold of them. He also told me that by looking at my car, he thought I was dead, and came to check. Eventually the ambulances come (this happened out of town so it took a while.) They cut off my coat and sweatshirt, leaving me in a tank top. They put in an IV in my arm, but it froze right away. They told me they couldn’t take me to the local hospital, and that I was being helicoptered. So here I was, in a tank top in 0 degrees, waiting for a helicopter. Still in shock, I didn’t understand why I was being helicoptered. Two hours after I left for work, I was finally on my way to the hospital, completely terrified.

At the hospital, they diagnosed me with hypothermia. They cut the rest of my clothes off, put me in a gown, and put me in a big bubble like heater blanket. After I was warmed up, they took x rays, an MRI, and a cat scan. They never told my parents the results of the MRI or cat scan, but they did tell me I broke my left pubic bone and my left elbow. I needed stitches on the cut on my head. It was on the side of my face actually, right by my eyebrow, about two inches long. However it was a very weird cut, A curvy one. I also had a bad cut on my arm, my hip, and on my leg.

I spent 2 days in the ICU and 1 day in pediatrics. I mostly slept, always tired and in so much pain. I couldn’t keep the pain pills down. I spent the following days counting the new bruises that kept appearing. I had 14 on one leg, 12 on the other. 8 on each arm, and several on my sides, stomach and back. I was out of school for two weeks. Would’ve been longer but winter break started. For those two weeks, I couldn’t do anything on my own. I couldn’t even sit up on my own. I felt so helpless, and I was always so tired. I had nerve damage on my right side of my head. I couldn’t feel it or move my left eyebrow for two months.

Eventually, I wasn’t in pain anymore. Although, I still find myself having pain in my elbow and left arm. The hospital I was at was a big hospital, and didn’t do a good job answering my parents questions. To this day, we still don’t know if I had a concussion or not. We do believe I did. My boyfriend noticed, and I have noticed too, that my memory is worse now. I can’t remember some big events that have happened recently, when we watch movies, I find myself not remembering what happened in the movie weeks later.

When I finally started driving again, about 3 months after, I was scared. But now its worse. I find its all I think about when I’m driving. My accident, or how I could get in one that the very moment. I find myself holding my breath in intersections and when other cars are driving by me. I hate being the passenger, I’m always bracing and holding my breath and just completely terrified.

If someone else was with me in my car, they would have been dead. My seat was the only part of my car not crushed. My airbag didn’t go off. Which they said, if it did, I would have died. I’m very short so I sit close to the steering wheel. I don’t believe in guardian angels, but everyone always tells me I had one watching over me.

I feel like nobody understands me now. They think its like a switch and I can turn the fear off and on. I can’t control it. Now that I know how easily I can lose my life, I’m leaving in fear. I know its no way to live, but I can’t help it. I can’t even drive in the rain anymore, I find myself starting to cry if it rains too hard. Reminds me too much of snow. Living in the midwest, I have no idea what I’m going to do when it snows.

The accident wasn’t charged as my fault or the other guys fault. The deputy reported it as the weathers fault. I still feel so guilty and feel like I could have prevented it from happening, done something different so I wouldn’t have lost control. Maybe if I wasn’t speeding.